I find that the best way to overcome a destructive temptation is to stare it in the face, which is usually by the barcode if it’s an object. Some people find this approach crazy, even tortuous. They’d rather throw away the carrot*—the Blackberry, the chocolate, the pornography—than throw on the chastity belt and sleep with it. They feel that if the attraction is physically unattainable, they naturally can’t attain it, and their resolution is met.
Maybe. Resolutions—and life changes—aren’t really about the physical.
Circumstantial change is doomed to fail, because circumstances themselves change. Eventually, despite your best efforts to avoid them, God is going to drop a chocolate souffle in your lap, with a Blackberry on top, and some porn on the Blackberry (starring, ironically, the world-renowned Chocolate Souffle, again with a Blackberry on top—her lover, not the device. And some oddly utilized carrots). It’s the God double decker: Blackberry on Chocolate Souffle on Blackberry on chocolate souffle. And you’ll indulge, because you never figured out how to overcome these things; they’ve just been held at bay on a long mental leash. On the bright side, you get to read God’s Blackberry. What’s the deal with famine.
I think that real change is sculpted from something less volatile than circumstance: thought. While you might think you think new thoughts often, you’re probably doing little more than changing outfits. Sure, some days you wear the jeans, other days the shorts, and still others the khakis with the embarrassing stain from that time God hurled chocolate souffle at your crotch all willy-nilly. And some days you worry about your job first and family second. But you only have so much space in that closet. (And yes, I compare your brain to a small closet. Poetic license.)
Only once you extinguish the urge, only once you can spend all day with your Blackberry (the device, not the porn star) and never take it out of your pants (the device), will you be able to watch in twitchless satisfaction as your friend fingers his own Blackberry (ambiguous). God can throw all the souffle He wants, but you’ll never bite. Then maybe He’ll start tossing it at the people who are actually hungry, because seriously God, famine. What’s up.
* Why does “carrot” epitomize an attractive reward, as in “carrot or stick”? Who does things for carrots?
February 21st, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I was raised believing that carrot and stick referred to a donkey in front of a cart: the carrot was dangled in front of the donkey’s nose so that he would keep on walking towards it, and if he ever slowed down his butt would get smacked by a stick. I think I learned this from looney tunes, though.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Your writing reminded me of love carrots: http://lovecarrots.wordpress.com
February 22nd, 2008 at 4:33 pm
@quodlibetor: I learned it from “A Series of Unfortunate Events”, the same place where I learned how to make “a word which here means” jokes.
I don’t know what a chocolate souffle is, but I imagine it must be quite scrumptious, a word which here means “providing a very pleasant experience for the mouth, especially when you can enjoy it with a Blackberry”.